A Life, Folded

9: Debunking Porn Myths: Men are More Visual

It is an excuse we have all heard often. When a partner is caught cheating by using porn, the initial refrain is usually something to the effect of, "What's the big deal? It has nothing to do with my feelings toward you. All men do it. It's just a way of blowing off steam." Then, the gaslighting goes on, "Men are far more visual than women. So, you wouldn't understand."
Hogwash!
I'll admit that for a long time, I believed this ridiculous lie. Hmm, maybe I really didn't have a reason to comment or be upset because I didn't understand this overwhelming visual need of men. 
In this episode, I am going to debunk this porn myth, by using the science found and reported in a Scientific America article. I was surprised, and I think you will be too. 
#alifefolded #stopporn #pornography #pornkills #pornkillslove #pornaddiction #nomore
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/universal-desire-men-and-women-respond-identically-to-erotic-images/

8: Combating Betrayal Trauma Triggers

After you have been betrayed and hurt by your partner, or anyone for that matter, you may go into "fight, flight, or freeze" whenever you see them. No matter how much you prepared beforehand. After doing recovery work, why does this still happen? And, what can be done about it?
In this episode, Lainey discusses how she learned that it is totally normal to have a heightened and emotional trauma response when confronted with someone who has betrayed you and why this happens. She shares how she has learned to welcome and even thank her body for this gift of protection. She also outlines some strategies of simple processes you can put into place now to not react so strongly when confronted with your betrayer.
#alifefolded #traumaresponses #traumatriggers #betrayaltrauma

7: DARVO, Narcissistic Emotional Abuse

DARVO is a commonly used tactic in society today, where people often try to deny taking accountability. However, this tactic is a common occurrence for a Cluster B Personality Disordered individual, such as a Narcissist. 
DARVO stands for:
D-Deny
A-Attack
then the RVO
Reverse the victim and offender
DARVO is another crazy-making tactic of the narcissist. You bring up a valid concern in a vulnerable manner seeking to communicate effectively, then your experience is dismissed, then attacked. And you, the innocent party, often end up apologizing and placating as the narcissist suddenly becomes the victim and you are the bad guy.
How can this be handled more effectively in everyday life, but especially with a narcissistic? This episode outlines some tactics that might be used when dealing with DARVO both in everyday life, as well as with the narcissist. 
#alifefolded #narcissticemotionalabuse #DARVO #narcissists 

6: Debunking Porn Myths: Porn Isn't Cheating

Here are some often used dismissive comments about porn: All men use porn. It doesn't hurt anyone. It has nothing to do with my love for you. It just helps me blow off steam.
Nonsense.
Porn kills love, decimates self-esteems, is escalating and addictive, deprives your family of your attention, and fuels the human trafficking trade. Porn is always, always cheating. When you are seeking intimacy outside a committed relationship, you are depriving your partner of consent. Consent is often the dividing line of whether or not you are sexually abusing your partner.
If porn is so "normal" and "everyone is doing it", why is it done in secret? Why isn't it openly discussed around the dinner table or water cooler? Because, people who use porn know it is wrong and they are ashamed. They realize if their partner knew the extent of what they were consuming, they would most likely lose them. The use of porn is deeply selfish. Let's stop making excuses for this demoralizing and harmful behavior. We have a right to stand up and say, as I have, "Porn does not have any place in my life." Enough!
#alifefolded #pornischeating #betrayaltrauma #pornographyaddiction #pornkillslove #pornaddiction #pornography #pornkills #stopporn
https://www.covenanteyes.com/pornstats/

5: Betrayal Trauma Faith Crisis

When you experience intimate betrayal, it is common to also have a resultant faith crisis. Why did God let this happen? Why didn't He intervene so that you wouldn't have to experience such profound hurt? Does He not love you anymore? Why have you been abandoned by those you love and trusted most? This is a dark and lonely space, and it is a completely normal reaction after experiencing betrayal trauma. In this episode, Lainey discusses ways of reconnecting with God and His divine love.
The podcast mentioned on this episode is FATE RESILIENCE: Taking Control of the Outcome
#alifefolded #betrayaltrauma #faithcrisis #narcissisticdiscard

4: Betrayal Trauma D-Day

D-Day is short for Discovery Day. It's the horrible moment you will most likely remember in minute detail for the rest of your life. The day you found out the person you loved and trusted the most has been unfaithful. It is shocking and unimaginably traumatic.
And, once you make this shattering discovery, who do you turn to? The partner you trusted the most, the person you shared everything with, has shattered your heart. The person you considered your best friend can no longer be wholly trusted. And, you might feel intense shame for who they are and what they have done. This can lead to isolation when you need human connection the most. 
Lainey describes her D-Days and how her narcissistic ex-husband acted like she was at fault for what she found. The episode outlines strategies to heal, protect, and care for yourself during this painful time.
#alifefolded #betryaltrauma #dday 
 

3: Why Porn is Always Wrong

Pornography is a commonly accepted part of our modern-day world. “Everyone does it.” “It doesn’t hurt anyone.”
Nonsense.
Pornography kills love, ruins lives, creates deep psychological wounds, is addictive and escalating, reduces humans to pixels on a screen, and is fueled by one of the most heinous crimes of our time: human trafficking.
Lainey discusses how her husband's addiction ruined their marriage, decimated her self-image, destroyed his relationship with his daughters, damaged his connection with God, and nearly cost him his career. By shedding harsh light on the reality of the evils of porn, we can make a choice and say, "No more!
#alifefolded #pornkillslove #pornographyaddiction #betrayaltrauma #pornkills #pornaddiction #pornography #pornaddiction #stopporn

2: The Narcissistic Discard

Narcissists can exist in any or all of the aspect of our lives. They may be a member of our family, our spouse, our boss, or even our ecclesiastical leader. One thing they all have in common is the need for the oneupmanship of the narcissistic discard when their target stops giving them narcissistic supply.
Narcissists are deeply insecure individuals with no capacity for empathy or remorse. They keep people around as long as they are offering them “supply”. In other words, not questioning their gaslighting, projection, and double standards. When their targets no longer offer what they need, the narcissist performs a discard. This cruel tossing aside of the innocent human beings who love them is one of the narcissist's cruelest tactics. In this episode, Lainey gives examples of her husband's behavior during her discard phase.  He thought nothing of coldly destroying the heart of a woman who had stood by him loyally for 29 years.
#alifefolded #narcissisticemotionalabuse #bettayaltrauma #narcissisticdiscard